A Simple Start- unedited

I didn’t think today would be the day to start a project. I really didn’t. I’ve just finished ovulating, I’ve had a slightly stressful day and come home with sadness bubbling in my belly because I had a conversation about having kids with a new friend at work. I’m surrounded by beauty, it’s a lovely day outside and the apartment smells of the flowers that I bought yesterday for Zak’s birthday which is today. I finally realized that I’ll never write a book using pen and paper. As much as I love that medium and will continue to use it for poetry and journaling, my wrists just can’t take all that strain. I do work a lot. I feel like I have to. I tell myself that I like to. Really, it just gives me a sense of stability, structure and security. But maybe it’s all a big joke. 

There is change on the horizon in our life. We’re hearing tomorrow if we got the apartment we applied for. We really want it, the air quality is better there, the location is better, it is bigger, it has off-street parking. Basically, it checks a lot of our boxes and we would be so happy to get it. So that’s one thing that’s changing. I also am taking a computer class starting in early August, right around my birthday. That is exciting for me because I think getting comfortable with using technology can work to my advantage creatively and practically. Who knows where this class will lead but learning is good. Another thing is I am taking the written driving exam for the state of Oregon in about a month. That was the earliest appointment I could get. It’ll be good to be driving legally. Even though I only drive around the farmer’s market it freaks me out a little. And then, I feel as though my work life is shifting. My hours got cut slightly and at first I was freaked out about it but now I see how easy it is to get more hours. Plus I started thinking more about it and maybe I should work less. Someone today was like “You have a boyfriend, right?” and I was like “Yeah.” and he was like “Do you guys have time to like see each other?” and you know what? That gave me pause. Do we have time for each other? We could have more. And I could make decisions to support that. 

I’m going to be documenting food that I prepare and when in my cycle I eat it. Cycle-syncing is so cool. It is fucking rad to know what’s happening on a hormonal level in your body throughout the month. You wonder why you’re feeling a certain way and sometimes it is easy to see that it is from a natural spike or dip in estrogen production- or something to that effect. It makes me feel sane and it feels like I’m really honoring my physical self. Okay, I’m keeping this short so that I keep it sustainable. More later. 

Maggie